How to explain to a gay acquaintance that you’re grossed out by gay sex?
Friday, January 29th, 2010Simon C asked:
One of the guys in my group of friends made it public to everyone last year that he was gay. I’ve never been buddy-buddy with him, but I never had any issue with the guy. He’s fairly pleasant to be around, and he’s pretty trustworthy.
Recently the subject of gay marriage has become very important to him, and he’s been loudly voicing his opinion anytime the topic comes up. Now I personally disagree with gay marriage, but it’s not because of any religious or family reasons. I just get really grossed out by the thought of gay sex (any anal sex, to be honest).
One of our other friends feels the same way as me, but when he explained that he found it disgusting, the fellow was *extremely* insulted.
How can you explain to someone that what they do grosses you out, without greatly insulting them? He’s asked me why I’m against gay marriage, but as I said he’s a good guy, and I know telling him the truth would garner a similar reaction. I know my view wont change, so how can I say it?
Ran out of word space, so I wanted to mention: Me and my other friend are for civil unions which would give gay couples those rights that have been mentioned, just not marriage. That’s not what our friend wants though, and he’s insulted by the notion of civil unions.
chris m, that’s a nice generalization about me, but it’s untrue. I don’t discuss my sex life with my friends because it’s none of their business. None of my friends “brag” about their sex life either. It’s nothing to be impressed by, and I don’t waste my time on those kinds of people. Or people who make generalizations about me because they disagree with what I say.
§ilver, I differentiate between the two because for me “marriage” implies the start of a family. Gay couples can’t produce children of their own, but how they feel about eachother is likely very similar to how a husband and wife feel. Because of that, to have the same rights would make sense, but for me gay sex wouldn’t fit with what I think marriage is about. As I mentioned it kindof grosses me out, and it would alter my view of marriage if it were allowed.
Obviously that’s just my opinion, but it’s how I have come to view things so it’s what I have to work with. I probably feel as strongly against it as he does for it.
Michael B, I wouldn’t be insulted in the least. We have laws telling people they can’t marry because it’s considered gross/offensive to others (for example, first cousin marriage, polygamy) so I don’t see why this would be considered any different?
